Photo on left from Getty Images. Right and all other photos via the author
The drink itself was a bright, neon yellow that looked slightly radioactive. Jolene said it tasted like synthetic blueberries and had a distinct aftertaste. She chugged it down over the course of ten minutes, and then refilled the bottle twice, choking down gulp after gulp of weird-tasting water until her stomach was bursting with 1.5 liters of liquid.
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
After three pees that, in Jolene’s words, “looked like I drank highlighter ink,” she took the test. It actually fucking worked. While the line was thin, it counted. Jolene tested negative for THC, despite having smoked several pre-noon bowls just hours before. We were both pretty shocked by this turn of events.
For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
First up, we had Jolene try out a 17-ounce bottle of Rescue Detox. According to Karen, the very sweet Applied Sciences customer service lady we reached at the “LIVE SUPPORT” number listed at the bottom of the bottle, Jolene had to avoid eating for five hours before she did the cleanse. Luckily, it was Sunday, so Jolene had just woken up from a four and a half hour nap after spending the morning smoking and eating an entire large portion of Popeye’s mac and cheese, as one does.
The drug tests we purchased are pretty standard pee tests. Basically you wee into a cup, take the cap off the drug test, and then submerge the little rectangular piece at the end for about ten seconds. Results take about five minutes. The test we bought for the purposes of this experiment are used specifically to detect THC and nothing else.
In the photo above, you’ll see Jolene’s first pre-drink test. It is very positive. The “C” on the test stands for “Control.” The line next to it appears whether the test is negative or positive. The “T” stands for “Test.” If a line appears in “T,” the test is negative. If no line appears, the test is positive. As you can see above, Jolene was not able to produce a “T” line because she is high af.
Karen told her to drink Rescue an hour before “cleansing time,” then refill the bottle with water twice and drink that within 30 minutes. She was then supposed to pee three times, after which she should be good to go for three to five hours. Quite a lot of work!
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
So I will conclude by telling you about the two best ways to mask toxins so that you can pass a drug test with little time, even one hours notice is enough to use either of these methods.
If you do nothing about it, then yes you’re screwed. The chances are you will fail a drug test in 24 hours time.
Fake urine is the best option for an unsupervised drug test, this is where you are not going to be observed directly. You do have to smuggle the sample into the lab though, but because it’s unsupervised, thousands of people do it every week successfully.
For me, the best way to appear clean, literally the fastest way to have a clean system, is to fool the drug lab by submitting a fake sample.
It’s the same with something like cocaine. If you haven’t done it for weeks, and you did one line last night, then by tomorrow there’s a pretty good chance you will test negative. If you have been hammering it for days, or you are a regular user, or last night you took loads of something, then in 24 hours time you are definitely not going to be clean.
High-quality synthetic urine like Clear Choice Sub Solution is the answer here. It’s very complex in formula, you only need about 10 minutes to prepare it with some water and get it warm, using the included heat activator powder.
The only way you can is if it happens naturally. If you smoked a joint three days ago, and that’s the first one you smoked in months, then you’re probably clean tomorrow anyway.
If you really don’t have the stomach for fake urine smuggling, then one of the other proven ways to pass a drug test is to use a high-quality bottle of THC detox drink.
So synthetic urine is definitely the way to go if you’ve got the balls to submit the fake sample. For me, Sub Solution is the product of choice. I’ve used it twice in live drug tests and passed both times.
So you've been told you've got a drug test tomorrow, or you think you could have one soon. In panic you're looking around online the fastest way to clean out your system in 24 hours, or even less.But is that even possible? Or are you about to spend the next 24 hours doing something completely pointless and still fail your drug test?