There are several of these on the market, “cleansing supplements” that, at a glance, seem to be nothing more than herbal energy drinks. On the back of each bottle, the language used is deliberately vague.
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
After three pees that, in Jolene’s words, “looked like I drank highlighter ink,” she took the test. It actually fucking worked. While the line was thin, it counted. Jolene tested negative for THC, despite having smoked several pre-noon bowls just hours before. We were both pretty shocked by this turn of events.
As such, we decided to put three brands to the test:
It’s a light line, but it’s there.
Luckily for them, and those of us who enjoy the occasional after-work blunt or who use marijuana to treat otherwise unmanageable chronic illnesses, there’s an entire industry devoted to beating the dreaded piss test. With enough advanced notice, there might be several ways you could go—quitting outright, subbing your dirty pee with a straight edge friend’s. But if your boss springs the news on you with only hours to spare, you’ve got pretty much one viable option: detox drinks.
“Frequent urination indicates that you are experiencing optimal cleansing.”
For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
The drug tests we purchased are pretty standard pee tests. Basically you wee into a cup, take the cap off the drug test, and then submerge the little rectangular piece at the end for about ten seconds. Results take about five minutes. The test we bought for the purposes of this experiment are used specifically to detect THC and nothing else.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
However, I do want to talk about the Certo method, as it links into me mentioning eating large amount of fat.
The unfortunate truth is that it’s impossible to eradicate drug metabolites from your body in 24 hours.
Well, I’ll give you a clear answer on whether you can clean out your system at short notice or not.
A detox drink does not clean out your system at short notice. That’s a huge fallacy. People think that they drink the drink and it flushes all the toxins out permanently. It doesn’t do that.
And there is absolutely no way on earth you can artificially push all those toxins out of your system so you could be clean in that short length of time.
You see, there is a difference between detoxification and masking. So where as it’s not possible at all to detoxify your body in a short space of time, it’s perfectly possible to mask toxins, even with virtually no notice at all.
- The Certo Sure Jell method
- Drinking cranberry juice
- Drinking baking soda
- Drinking lemon juice/vinegar/apple juice
- Using diuretics (things that make you urinate frequently)
- Taking in large amounts of vitamins (usually vitamin B)
- Eating large amounts of fat
Fake urine is the best option for an unsupervised drug test, this is where you are not going to be observed directly. You do have to smuggle the sample into the lab though, but because it’s unsupervised, thousands of people do it every week successfully.
So sure, you could use both of those methods to draw more THC metabolites out through your bowels in the lead up to a drug test. But unless you’re lucky enough to have light toxin exposure, and do not have any more THC metabolites passing out of your system when you give your sample, then you’re going to still have to learn how to mask the toxins in your system.
So you've been told you've got a drug test tomorrow, or you think you could have one soon. In panic you're looking around online the fastest way to clean out your system in 24 hours, or even less.But is that even possible? Or are you about to spend the next 24 hours doing something completely pointless and still fail your drug test?