“Frequent urination indicates that you are experiencing optimal cleansing.”
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
“Drink the entire bottle 60 to 90 minutes before your desired time.”
As such, we decided to put three brands to the test:
After three pees that, in Jolene’s words, “looked like I drank highlighter ink,” she took the test. It actually fucking worked. While the line was thin, it counted. Jolene tested negative for THC, despite having smoked several pre-noon bowls just hours before. We were both pretty shocked by this turn of events.
The drink itself was a bright, neon yellow that looked slightly radioactive. Jolene said it tasted like synthetic blueberries and had a distinct aftertaste. She chugged it down over the course of ten minutes, and then refilled the bottle twice, choking down gulp after gulp of weird-tasting water until her stomach was bursting with 1.5 liters of liquid.
These drinks can be expensive—up to $60 a pop—but that’s a small price to pay when your job may be on the line. They all offer the same thing: a same-day, temporary fix for your THC-tainted piss, so long as you use ‘em exactly as directed.
Karen told her to drink Rescue an hour before “cleansing time,” then refill the bottle with water twice and drink that within 30 minutes. She was then supposed to pee three times, after which she should be good to go for three to five hours. Quite a lot of work!
First up, we had Jolene try out a 17-ounce bottle of Rescue Detox. According to Karen, the very sweet Applied Sciences customer service lady we reached at the “LIVE SUPPORT” number listed at the bottom of the bottle, Jolene had to avoid eating for five hours before she did the cleanse. Luckily, it was Sunday, so Jolene had just woken up from a four and a half hour nap after spending the morning smoking and eating an entire large portion of Popeye’s mac and cheese, as one does.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
For a healthy body, the best detox drink is a combination of water and time. Because marijuana is a fat soluble drug, the best way to clear it from your system fast is to eat healthy foods that are low in fat and sugar. Maintaining the ideal weight and staying well hydrated are also ways to prime your body to get rid of residuals quickly. If you’re a heavy smoker and you know you have a test coming up, stop smoking as far in advance as you can. The better your overall health is, the less time your body will take to clean itself out.
While Detoxify’s instructions don’t say anything about abstaining from food, they do suggest that you stop smoking for as long as possible before using their drinks. Once you’ve put down the pipe for a bit, drink the entire contents of the bottle, refill once with water, then pee three or four times. After that, you should be able to pass a drug test for up to the next five hours.
Most of the toxins in our bodies are mitigated and eliminated thanks to the help of our liver and kidneys. Key points to remember in keeping these filter organs happy are to drink plenty of water, eat a low sodium, low sugar diet, and try and abstain from high amounts of alcohol use. The happier these organs are, the quicker you self clean.
Exercise helps reduce your bodies THC content by burning the fat that the THC attaches itself to. Having a good amount of base musculature serves to increase a bodies metabolic rate, which means you can burn fat just by sitting around. So staying in shape is another excellent way to get a clean drug test. If you’re in great baseline health, eat, drink, and exercise properly, just laying off weed for a week or so should be good enough to clean you out in time. However, not everyone gets a heads up when it comes to urine testing, so if you face the dreaded random drug test, it’s always a good idea to keep some fast acting detox drinks on hand.
Who doesn’t love a warm cup of coffee in the mornings? Afternoons, evenings… pretty much every hour of the day. Humans seem to love coffee in the same way that Sam Gamgee loves potatoes. Okay, maybe not in a stew, but definitely for every meal. Coffee is a natural diuretic, which means that it makes you pee, a lot. So coffee, coupled with good water intake will promote urination and help flush your system quick. Again, it’s suggested that you abstain from herb for at least a week prior to testing, but coffee will definitely help you flush out any residual toxins in your system. Make sure that you’re drinking it black or Americano style for you espresso lovers, as heavy dairy or sugar intake will encourage THC to stay in your system longer.
Stinger Detox Deep System Cleanser
Rescue Detox Instant Cleansing Energy
Stinger Detox has a massive range of products, but what really makes them stand out is the “5x Extra Strength” drink, which can serve you a clean bill of urine in just 60-90 minutes. Way less time than most other detox drinks. Another added benefit is that you end up drinking way less fluid than most of the other detox drinks available. The initial bottle is only 237mL, which you refill twice with water and drink down. For a total of a measly 711mL. Pee three or four times prior to testing, then you’re good for testing. The company does note that their drinks work best if you steer clear of dairy products and eat healthily. They also suggest staying regularly hydrated with water. Which is good advice whether you’re testing or not.
Short on time but need to clean out your body before a drug test? These detox drinks and best practices will help you prepare to pass with flying colors!