Not only is he excited about it; he’s also excited to tell you about it in as many words as humanly possible.
And when those texts come in, a window opens for us to respond with the detailed play-by-play of every high thing we are doing, from the inane to the profane, in text after text.
It’s like their brain and fingers are two completely separate entities that don’t really see eye to eye with each other.
If they happen to remember Snapchat while they’re high, you’d better get ready to take full advantage of that unlimited data plan. You’re going to be getting a lot of videos.
Before texting, you really didn’t hear that much from your stoner friends when they were high.
You’re going to be trying to console someone who won’t listen to a single word you say.
That means that they suspect you can tell how high you are without even seeing you or communicating with you. That’s next level high.
But the only problem with that is they’ll assume you aren’t reading them because you’re mad and oh great now they’re crying again.
Then came smartphones and the ability for high friends to give us all the misspelled play-by-play of everything they’re doing and thinking.
Before texting, you really didn’t hear that much from your stoner friends when they were high. Their nerves were either too jumpy or too chilled to make a phone call; so they just kept to themselves. Then came smartphones and the ability for highвЂ¦
Like the say in business school, “Don’t blow your money. Let your money blow you.”
This tactic just never gets old. Stoners absolutely adore when sober people rattle off all the awesome cool slang terms they know for weed. Nothing will help you fit in better on 420 than talking about how down you are with chronic, reefer, herb, the stickiest, airplane, cabbage, Dona Juanita, green goddess, and/or da kine. See how fun that list was? You could be that fun!
You’re cool. You’re down. You’ve been to music festivals. Okay, not Bonnaroo or Coachella, but, like, you went to Reggae on the River once in college, ya know? So much ganja there, man. Now in your thirties, you may not want to even get near a puff of what everyone else treats as “not even a real drug,” even though one hit will make you literally fucking hallucinate, but it’s not like you’re a square. You ate mushrooms in Joshua Tree once! In fact, talking about Joshua Tree in general is a good idea, because squares don’t hang out in our National Parks.
This one is a classic staple of avoiding smoking weed. Okay, sure, nowadays you don’t really drink more than a glass or two of wine at dinner and only on weekends, because, hey, you’re an adult and you have work tomorrow morning. And, granted, you get hungover very easily, so this is a really big sacrifice. But it’s worth the next 24-36 hours of your life being miserable to have your cool weed-loving friends not decide they all fear/hate you, right?
That said, 420, the greatest of all holidays, just happened, and all your cool friends were probably high out of their fucking minds. It’s the one day a year where you can’t use any of your usual go-to excuses about how you have to “work” or “drive” — and, like, you know, you personally can’t drive high even though it’s totally perfectly safe for all your cool friends who do, science has proved it’s okay, right? I think I read that on Buzzfeed?
Do not despair. Here at Bunny Ears we care about you fitting in with your cool weed-smoking friends more than anything in the entire universe, so we’ve compiled this list of six tips and tricks for pretending you still like weed so you can be ultra-cool with your cool weed-smoking friends this holiday season.
Bonus points if you know Jack Johnson’s “Brushfire Fairytales.” Stoners love people playing acoustic guitar and singing along loudly at a party. Just because there’s hip hop on the stereo in the other room doesn’t mean people don’t want to hear you croon a few Sublime favorites and then expostulate at length about how rich and complex Dave’s songwriting is. BUNNY EARS EXTRA-DOPE EXTRA TIP: cool people who smoke weed call Dave Matthews just “Dave” like he’s your fucking buddy.
You know what stoners love the most? Hearing about how much pot you smoked in high school. They smoked a lot of weed in high school, too! Great, now you’re already talking about a commonality instead of how horribly different you are just because your cool friend thinks being on what is now universally super-engineered medical-grade uber-weed is just a totally normal way to go through daily life, while you can’t take even a fake hit where you don’t inhale without descending into a spiral of re-examining every bad choice you’ve ever made ever in your life, and what even is a “choice” man?
Just because now you are in your mid-thirties and no longer enjoy feeling like you’re going to fall out of a window and directly into a police cell every time you take a single puff off someone’s “totally mellow, home-grown” joint, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
Not everyone will like weed, and that's fine. Here are some tips to help you pretend to like weed around all of your cool friends!