The drink itself was a bright, neon yellow that looked slightly radioactive. Jolene said it tasted like synthetic blueberries and had a distinct aftertaste. She chugged it down over the course of ten minutes, and then refilled the bottle twice, choking down gulp after gulp of weird-tasting water until her stomach was bursting with 1.5 liters of liquid.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
There are several of these on the market, “cleansing supplements” that, at a glance, seem to be nothing more than herbal energy drinks. On the back of each bottle, the language used is deliberately vague.
Photo on left from Getty Images. Right and all other photos via the author
As such, we decided to put three brands to the test:
In the photo above, you’ll see Jolene’s first pre-drink test. It is very positive. The “C” on the test stands for “Control.” The line next to it appears whether the test is negative or positive. The “T” stands for “Test.” If a line appears in “T,” the test is negative. If no line appears, the test is positive. As you can see above, Jolene was not able to produce a “T” line because she is high af.
“Frequent urination indicates that you are experiencing optimal cleansing.”
For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
There are some real questions around detox drinks for THC. Like do they actually work? Can you even get a detox drink that targets THC metabolites at all?
So a detox drink is good if you are only a light user or smoker. If you have heavy toxin exposure, you could only get a couple of hours before your sample contains metabolites again.
What it does is to flush the toxins out of your bladder, so that you have clean urine for a few hours. Now with any other sort of liquid, that would also make your sample unusual. So a detox drink that is good quality, contains nutrients, minerals and things like creatine so that your urine appears natural.
It’s very easy to use, with the following straightforward instructions:
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This means you must never be fooled by any detox drinks which claim to target THC. They simply cannot do that, because all a detox drink does is interact in the bladder, it cannot affect any metabolites that are yet to enter it.
The only downside with synthetic urine is that you have to submit it within the human urine temperature range, which is a very small range that varies by only 10°F. That means, unless you have complete control over the sample temperature, you could get caught out and have your sample rejected for being too hot, or too cold.
Another great detox drink, from the same company who makes Sub Solution synthetic urine. I would recommend this detox drink for moderate smokers.
Also, you can’t really submit synthetic urine if it’s a supervised drug test, although they tend to be under the order of courts, probation, or for insurance purposes, rather than the more standard pre-employment, and on-the-job testing.
With so many people smoking weed, but employers still not giving jobs to people they detect smoking the occasional joint, it's no wonder that people are looking to use detox drinks for THC, to cover up the fact they smoke a bit of weed.