It’s a light line, but it’s there.
As such, we decided to put three brands to the test:
Our test was simple. We ordered a ten-pack of THC pee tests from Amazon for $7.99, and recruited a regular recreational weed smoker—a 28-year-old woman we’ll call “Jolene”—to test out these drinks over the course of a week without altering her normal weed habits. She’d try out one drink every two days, and take a control test before starting each one to make sure she was still testing positive before drinking them. Then she’d follow the directions on each bottle and see whether she could piss herself clean.
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
The drug tests we purchased are pretty standard pee tests. Basically you wee into a cup, take the cap off the drug test, and then submerge the little rectangular piece at the end for about ten seconds. Results take about five minutes. The test we bought for the purposes of this experiment are used specifically to detect THC and nothing else.
Karen told her to drink Rescue an hour before “cleansing time,” then refill the bottle with water twice and drink that within 30 minutes. She was then supposed to pee three times, after which she should be good to go for three to five hours. Quite a lot of work!
“Drink the entire bottle 60 to 90 minutes before your desired time.”
Luckily for them, and those of us who enjoy the occasional after-work blunt or who use marijuana to treat otherwise unmanageable chronic illnesses, there’s an entire industry devoted to beating the dreaded piss test. With enough advanced notice, there might be several ways you could go—quitting outright, subbing your dirty pee with a straight edge friend’s. But if your boss springs the news on you with only hours to spare, you’ve got pretty much one viable option: detox drinks.
“Frequent urination indicates that you are experiencing optimal cleansing.”
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
Rescue Detox Instant Cleansing Energy
Most of the toxins in our bodies are mitigated and eliminated thanks to the help of our liver and kidneys. Key points to remember in keeping these filter organs happy are to drink plenty of water, eat a low sodium, low sugar diet, and try and abstain from high amounts of alcohol use. The happier these organs are, the quicker you self clean.
Stinger Detox Deep System Cleanser
Cranberry juice & drug tests are almost synonymous. Before detox drinks hit the market, every stoner everywhere would suggest cranberry juice cleanses a few days before drug testing for favorable results. Which isn’t as hokey as it sounds. While you have to make sure and get the 100% juice stuff (as the juice concentrates are filled with sugar and other juices that significantly reduce effectiveness), pure cranberry juice has a multitude of health benefits specifically designed for your urinary system. It can help flush the kidneys, lymphatic system, and intestines of toxins. It can also help treat the symptoms of minor urinary tract infections. Start the juice cleanse about a week before testing and add some water and B vitamins into the mix to sufficiently dilute your urine and get your system out of the gutter.
Got an upcoming exam that you need to “study” for? We’ve got your “drug test, how to pass” cliff notes right here.
It’s also rare that any employer who’s trolling your urine for drugs, to differentiate between recreational use and medical. So whether you’re hitting a blunt to relax, or poppy a gummy for chronic pain, most employers don’t care. Dirty pee is dirty pee. Luckily for all users, there are some simple ways to clean your system for a drug test, fast.
Best Detoxifiers for a Drug Test
Stinger Detox has a massive range of products, but what really makes them stand out is the “5x Extra Strength” drink, which can serve you a clean bill of urine in just 60-90 minutes. Way less time than most other detox drinks. Another added benefit is that you end up drinking way less fluid than most of the other detox drinks available. The initial bottle is only 237mL, which you refill twice with water and drink down. For a total of a measly 711mL. Pee three or four times prior to testing, then you’re good for testing. The company does note that their drinks work best if you steer clear of dairy products and eat healthily. They also suggest staying regularly hydrated with water. Which is good advice whether you’re testing or not.
Short on time but need to clean out your body before a drug test? These detox drinks and best practices will help you prepare to pass with flying colors!