For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
After three pees that, in Jolene’s words, “looked like I drank highlighter ink,” she took the test. It actually fucking worked. While the line was thin, it counted. Jolene tested negative for THC, despite having smoked several pre-noon bowls just hours before. We were both pretty shocked by this turn of events.
These drinks can be expensive—up to $60 a pop—but that’s a small price to pay when your job may be on the line. They all offer the same thing: a same-day, temporary fix for your THC-tainted piss, so long as you use ‘em exactly as directed.
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
There are several of these on the market, “cleansing supplements” that, at a glance, seem to be nothing more than herbal energy drinks. On the back of each bottle, the language used is deliberately vague.
Our test was simple. We ordered a ten-pack of THC pee tests from Amazon for $7.99, and recruited a regular recreational weed smoker—a 28-year-old woman we’ll call “Jolene”—to test out these drinks over the course of a week without altering her normal weed habits. She’d try out one drink every two days, and take a control test before starting each one to make sure she was still testing positive before drinking them. Then she’d follow the directions on each bottle and see whether she could piss herself clean.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
“Drink the entire bottle 60 to 90 minutes before your desired time.”
As such, we decided to put three brands to the test:
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
There are some real questions around detox drinks for THC. Like do they actually work? Can you even get a detox drink that targets THC metabolites at all?
There are actually very few detox drinks out there that genuinely work. Mega Clean is one of those few that actually does the job it’s designed to do.
It’s really easy to use Mega Clean:
It’s very easy to use, with the following straightforward instructions:
So yes you can trust detox drinks for THC masking, but only for a few hours. Plus, I want to just say here, that you can’t buy special drinks that will mask THC metabolites on their own. A drug metabolite in your urine stream, is drug metabolite, is a drug metabolite. They will all be flushed out, and if they are still in your body, they will start to reappear.
So if you’re a moderate user, let’s say you have a handful of joints a week, and you are unsure about smuggling synthetic urine in or having to keep it within the right temperature range, then detox drinks are the best option.
If you are short on time, the fastest way to pass a drug test is actually synthetic urine. I’ll talk more about the pros and cons of synthetic urine Vs detox drinks in a moment, but it is the surefire way to pass.
But for light users, a detox drink is definitely one of the fastest ways to pass a drug test. If you’ve got a couple of days notice, then abstain, that will really help, but the most powerful detox drinks, with a moderate user, will definitely mask the toxins for a handful of hours.
So I talked about synthetic urine a moment ago. If you get good quality stuff, like Sub Solution, then it will pass any type of standard drug test. As long as you’ve got the courage to submit it, by smuggling it into the lab testing facility, then it will pass.
With so many people smoking weed, but employers still not giving jobs to people they detect smoking the occasional joint, it's no wonder that people are looking to use detox drinks for THC, to cover up the fact they smoke a bit of weed.