The drug tests we purchased are pretty standard pee tests. Basically you wee into a cup, take the cap off the drug test, and then submerge the little rectangular piece at the end for about ten seconds. Results take about five minutes. The test we bought for the purposes of this experiment are used specifically to detect THC and nothing else.
These drinks can be expensive—up to $60 a pop—but that’s a small price to pay when your job may be on the line. They all offer the same thing: a same-day, temporary fix for your THC-tainted piss, so long as you use ‘em exactly as directed.
The drink itself was a bright, neon yellow that looked slightly radioactive. Jolene said it tasted like synthetic blueberries and had a distinct aftertaste. She chugged it down over the course of ten minutes, and then refilled the bottle twice, choking down gulp after gulp of weird-tasting water until her stomach was bursting with 1.5 liters of liquid.
As such, we decided to put three brands to the test:
There are several of these on the market, “cleansing supplements” that, at a glance, seem to be nothing more than herbal energy drinks. On the back of each bottle, the language used is deliberately vague.
According to a poll released by the Society for Human Resource Management, about 57 percent of American companies subject employees to drug tests. That’s down significantly from 81 percent in 1996, possibly because employers are finding it increasingly difficult to find quality candidates who are able to pass.
Luckily for them, and those of us who enjoy the occasional after-work blunt or who use marijuana to treat otherwise unmanageable chronic illnesses, there’s an entire industry devoted to beating the dreaded piss test. With enough advanced notice, there might be several ways you could go—quitting outright, subbing your dirty pee with a straight edge friend’s. But if your boss springs the news on you with only hours to spare, you’ve got pretty much one viable option: detox drinks.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
Cranberry juice & drug tests are almost synonymous. Before detox drinks hit the market, every stoner everywhere would suggest cranberry juice cleanses a few days before drug testing for favorable results. Which isn’t as hokey as it sounds. While you have to make sure and get the 100% juice stuff (as the juice concentrates are filled with sugar and other juices that significantly reduce effectiveness), pure cranberry juice has a multitude of health benefits specifically designed for your urinary system. It can help flush the kidneys, lymphatic system, and intestines of toxins. It can also help treat the symptoms of minor urinary tract infections. Start the juice cleanse about a week before testing and add some water and B vitamins into the mix to sufficiently dilute your urine and get your system out of the gutter.
Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse Stinger
Possibly one of the best known commercially available detox drinks on the market, Rescue Detox drinks are pretty effective. They come in a range of flavors and work within just a few hours. To use, you have to avoid eating for five hours prior to drinking the concoction. An hour or two before testing, drink the full bottle and refill with water twice. Once you’ve drank the whopping 1.5 liters of liquid, pee three times and you should be good to go clean for the nest 3-5 hours.
Despite weed being legal in nine states across the US, federal bans still require some users to “pee clean” for certain occupations, which seems pretty unfair for a casual user. While it’s by far the least dangerous drug taken recreationally, it can take weeks to completely get out of our bodies, even though it only takes a few hours to stop making us high. This is all due to how the body processes marijuana, and each individual body processes it a bit differently. Weed is a fat-soluble drug, which means that it binds to fats in our bodies. So for heavy consumers- both people who smoke a lot, and/or people who are overweight, this can be a really tricky test to pass.
Exercise helps reduce your bodies THC content by burning the fat that the THC attaches itself to. Having a good amount of base musculature serves to increase a bodies metabolic rate, which means you can burn fat just by sitting around. So staying in shape is another excellent way to get a clean drug test. If you’re in great baseline health, eat, drink, and exercise properly, just laying off weed for a week or so should be good enough to clean you out in time. However, not everyone gets a heads up when it comes to urine testing, so if you face the dreaded random drug test, it’s always a good idea to keep some fast acting detox drinks on hand.
Most of the toxins in our bodies are mitigated and eliminated thanks to the help of our liver and kidneys. Key points to remember in keeping these filter organs happy are to drink plenty of water, eat a low sodium, low sugar diet, and try and abstain from high amounts of alcohol use. The happier these organs are, the quicker you self clean.
Detoxing for a drug test can be a nightmare, especially if you’ve only got a little bit of time to clean out your system. Because weed can stay in your system far longer than almost any other recreational drug, getting clean urine on the quick can be a sticky subject for marijuana smokers.
Rescue Detox Instant Cleansing Energy
Short on time but need to clean out your body before a drug test? These detox drinks and best practices will help you prepare to pass with flying colors!