Karen told her to drink Rescue an hour before “cleansing time,” then refill the bottle with water twice and drink that within 30 minutes. She was then supposed to pee three times, after which she should be good to go for three to five hours. Quite a lot of work!
The drink itself was a bright, neon yellow that looked slightly radioactive. Jolene said it tasted like synthetic blueberries and had a distinct aftertaste. She chugged it down over the course of ten minutes, and then refilled the bottle twice, choking down gulp after gulp of weird-tasting water until her stomach was bursting with 1.5 liters of liquid.
After three pees that, in Jolene’s words, “looked like I drank highlighter ink,” she took the test. It actually fucking worked. While the line was thin, it counted. Jolene tested negative for THC, despite having smoked several pre-noon bowls just hours before. We were both pretty shocked by this turn of events.
First up, we had Jolene try out a 17-ounce bottle of Rescue Detox. According to Karen, the very sweet Applied Sciences customer service lady we reached at the “LIVE SUPPORT” number listed at the bottom of the bottle, Jolene had to avoid eating for five hours before she did the cleanse. Luckily, it was Sunday, so Jolene had just woken up from a four and a half hour nap after spending the morning smoking and eating an entire large portion of Popeye’s mac and cheese, as one does.
For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
“Frequent urination indicates that you are experiencing optimal cleansing.”
Our test was simple. We ordered a ten-pack of THC pee tests from Amazon for $7.99, and recruited a regular recreational weed smoker—a 28-year-old woman we’ll call “Jolene”—to test out these drinks over the course of a week without altering her normal weed habits. She’d try out one drink every two days, and take a control test before starting each one to make sure she was still testing positive before drinking them. Then she’d follow the directions on each bottle and see whether she could piss herself clean.
Photo on left from Getty Images. Right and all other photos via the author
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
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Sub Solution is a fantastic choice. It’s $80, but it’s a very complex formula. Plus, you don’t have the problem of trying to use a heatpad, as it uses heat activator powder. You just tap some in before you go into the test building, and within about 30 seconds it will heat it up to the right temperature.
The bottom line is that none of them are powerful enough, they are really just cheap supplements that can push out slightly more toxins you can naturally. But if you’ve got heavy drug toxin exposure, then you’re going to need at least seven days, and certainly seven days with a very high-powered detox pill.
Herbal Clean QPretox is definitely the only set of Walgreens detox pills I would ever recommend you consider buying.
Ironically, Ultra Eliminex is yet another product made by Herbal Clean. But it’s formula is powerful and modern, and completely different to Qcarbo32. It costs $80, but for me, with my own testing at home, and a friend recently passing a live drug test as well, it’s a completely different ballgame in terms of quality.
Walgreens sells Qcarbo32, which used to be quite a good brand of detox drink. However as drug testing has got more advanced, the formula has slipped down the list. There are better detox drinks out there.
It’s the same dismal story with detox kits at Walgreens as well. When I’m talking about detox kits, and basically talking about pills.
If I’m honest, they don’t sell anything high quality, and if you’re looking for detox drinks at Walgreens, for me there is really only one genuine choice.
Better detox drinks are Mega Clean with pre-rid tablets (only available to buy at Test Clear), or Ultra Eliminex.
Behind CVS, Walgreens is the second biggest chemist and health supplement retailer in the USA today. But should you buy detox drinks at Walgreens? As a bigger question, are Walgreens detox pills, in fact any supplements they sell, any good for passing a drug test?