What do you think is the best way to beat a dirty urine?
Cooper: The detox business is a multi-million dollar industry. It’s such a competitive money-maker because there are so many people being drug tested. It’s gangster out there, man, it’s such a big business because the drinks and these products do work. They keep people out of jail. I have one page that’s called “How To Pass Your Drug Test.” I’ve worked on it for over eight years now, and it’s received millions and millions of views. On that page, there’s a link to the products that I have used that worked and the products I endorse. On Never Get Busted and the “How to Pass Your Drug Test” page I teach how to pass the drug test, how to use the product properly, and people can click on the links that order the product.
Cooper: Test Clear and Pass Your Test. I know that shit works. For the last 12 years I’ve been working to keep people out of jail. These detox drinks do that. And the detox products for the hair follicles [work also]. I’ve been doing this a long time. They work.
I’m not an expert and I’ve never heard of a magic bullet, but from being involved with drugs, being around addicts and ex-addicts, and from my own experiences I know cocaine, heroin, and speed are all out of your system in a couple of days. The same for LSD, which I’m not even sure can be tested for. Weed is the tough one, though, especially for a hardcore smoker. THC stays in your body for up to three weeks or more if the person is hefty. It gets in your fat cells. The important thing to remember is to drink a ton of water and try to pee it out beforehand. You don’t want to give them concentrated morning piss. You want it as diluted as possible when you take the test. That’s what I’ve learned taking literally hundreds of urine tests. I’ve also written about the many ways that prisoners beat them.
I like to consider myself a pro on beating drug tests because I’ve passed numerous—even some close calls—while on probation, in prison, and on parole. I would have only tested positive for weed, but a dirty for marijuana could’ve sent me to “the hole” for 60 days or back to prison when I hit the street. I passed my first drug test when I was out on bond in 1991. I was getting ready to embark on a journey as a fugitive and had to pass the urine tests as a condition of my bond. But there was no way I was going to stop smoking marijuana. That was my lifeline back then. I went to the local head shop in Northern Virginia and bought a bottle of Golden Seal. I took the capsules, drank tons of water, and passed the test. One of many.
I took my last drug test in January 2016, when I got off federal probation, and I’ve been toking up ever since. But with so many people getting drug tested these days and the outdated War on Drugs mentality still prevalent, it’s still not a terrible idea to know how to beat these things when they come up. As such, I contacted two experts on the subject for VICE.
Barry Cooper is a former drug agent and current drug expert/humanitarian who’s been featured on VICE before. He’s been teaching how to pass a drug test for over 12 years and has a website, Never Get Busted. Paul Armentano is NORML’s Deputy Director. NORML has been a player in the marijuana legalization effort since the jump. I talked to both by phone to find out the best way to beat a drug test, if the stuff they sell at the local head shop works, and what home remedies can help beat a drug test. Here’s what they had to say.
Are their any over the counter or internet products you recommend?
Armentano: I wouldn’t feel comfortable endorsing any product. Particularly products that are sold over the internet.
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Cooper: THC does hide in the fat cells. It hides in the fat cells of every body—no matter their weight. These detoxifier drinks, exercising, and drinking a lot of water prior to a test can flush those things out of the system. It’s a two layer protection system. The detoxifiers will help get the THC out of the fat cells and they also supply something in case it didn’t get all of it. It covers THC leaks and hides that from the testers.
Some of the detoxifying drinks may work.